my cup of Tea

I guess love is the most misunderstood word in the vocabulary. People define it in different ways. They define it in ways most acceptable to them. They define it in ways more convenient to them.

I guess there are still people who believe in love. People hope for love to come and grow. They anticipate that love will give them life. They expect that love will win the battle for them.

I guess love, despite being the most misunderstood word in the vocabulary is still the most believable thing in this word.

Sometimes I doubt it if I have what it takes to be a smart woman. I have screwed up a lot in the past but I can’t call that as being stupid. Maybe I just made some bad decisions or harmless mistakes or radical judgment that made me somewhat irresponsible.

But as what we all know, a lot of people learned from their mistakes. I am no different. Those mistakes that I committed in the past are life-changing experiences for me. It gives me the wisdom to make proper judgment. It gives me the right attitude to address my problems. It gives me the freedom to make the right decision without prejudice.

Mistakes taught me everything outside the four corners of the classroom.

I recently had a miscarriage. It was my first pregnancy. It was my first miracle. It was my first heartbreaking experience yet, as a woman and a mother.

As a woman, I was able to feel even for just a short period of time how fragile life is. I was able to realize how important life is. I was able to know how significant my role is.

As a mother, I was able to feel even for just a short span of time I was able to feel the gift of life. I was able to realize how important that miracle of life was. I was able to know how significant life was.

The experience… the loss… the pain… did not shake my faith a bit. And I was more amazed how strong it made me. I was astounded how tough it made me. I was surprised how firm it made me.
God has reason. God has other plans. God knows what is good to me. I cannot be angry. I cannot be mad. I cannot be hurt. I trust. I believe. I have faith. Good is good.

I take advantage of rare opportunities for fear that they will not come again. I know about the saying “opportunity knocks only once”. And so I need to heed it.

In my experience, a lot of wasted opportunities passed me by because I was scared too. I was scared of change. I was afraid of indifference. I was terrified of responsibilities.

But I have changed. I am more daring now. I am braver. I am bolder.

Busy. Busy. Busy. I hope I can say that. I miss work. I miss being busy. I miss having no time for other things. I miss having no time for myself. I miss having no time for my family.

Nuts. Nuts. Nuts. Am I nuts? Maybe. Because I don’t do nothing. Because my mind is not working. Because my creative side is now obsolete.

I need inspiration. I need new perspective. I need new mind.

Another week is over. Should I be glad or blue?

It’s just any other weekend, but I need to have to put my creative side to work. What else have I not done yet? I was thinking.

The weekdays are too long and boring just like any of the weeks that passed. I am too weak to think now because I know the routine is too much for me to carry on. I just wish I would have more time for myself to contemplate and come up with ideas that will really change the world.

Am I experiencing another drought?  Or maybe I am menopausal.

This weekend, I am planning to do my “to do list.”

I need to come up with a plan. Something that will work. Something that will make me organized. Something that will make a difference.

I need to take another option. Something that is different. Something that will give me pride. Something that will promote good-will.

Familiarity bridges contempt, so they say. With all the routine of life, things become so common and boring. People would strive to make a difference because they think that’s the only way they could be uncommon.  Everyone wants to stand out. Everyone wants a special place. And everyone wants to be different. Still, when things are unachievable, we resort to the old ways. When life after the change become unfavorable, we go back to old habits. And when people tend to be unbearable, we use our common sense.

Life in general is common as seen in different angle. The key to good life is not making the difference but using our common sense to see life as a blessing.

I am grieving for the lost of my little one recently. It was the most devastating experience I had so far as a wife and a mother. For a span of 6 weeks, though I know that there is life inside me, and though I can’t still feel it, I know I am blessed. It was a so short experience of motherhood, but I had it. I celebrated life and though it has never come to full term, I still celebrated the miracle of life.

My loss is not a curse but a blessing. A blessing because, I was able to appreciate life more. A blessing because I was given a chance to create life even for just a short period of time. I am blessed with a little angel and he is watching over me now.

Springtime is a time for birth and re-birth.  This is the time for renewal and revival. And this is the time for a new perspective.

This is my first spring here in Maine. I don’t have so much expectation except that by this time I have to work on my resume and start looking for a prospective career. I have been out of work for almost a year now. I guess the adjustment period is long over-due. I need to make myself useful and productive (translation: work and earn money).

Being out of work makes me realized the real value of “work”. I was able to appreciate work because doing nothing is harder. And I was able to appreciate money too because having none is worse.

But it’s spring now. Now, I can make plans for my future. Hubby is optimistic because I can legally work now. I am optimistic because I can do something else beside blogging and chores. We are optimistic because it is spring.